What to do if you don't like your boss
Navigate the relationship to make it work for both of you
Having a bad boss can make your work life miserable. They may be micromanaging, unsupportive, or even abusive. Often it is not always easy to just walk away and find a new role, and this is especially the case if you like the work you do and the other colleagues and stakeholders you work with, or the job offers you the flexibility, pay and balance for your personal life.
In recent years, the whole culture of ‘quiet quitting’, where people come in and do the minimum amount of work required and are disengaged from their employer, has a lot to do with how people are managed, according to the recent Gallup ‘State of the Global Workforce 2023 Report’. In their report, they state as one of their key takeaways for leaders that ‘The manager is the linchpin of engagement’, and that an incredible 70% of team engagement is linked to the manager. You can download the full report for free.
If you find yourself in this difficult situation, it's important to know what to do. There are plenty of options to help you resolve the situation and understand why this relationship seems to be so difficult.
1. Identify the problem
The first step is to identify the specific reasons why you don't like your boss. Is it their management style? Their personality? Their behaviour towards you or other colleagues? Once you know what the problem is, you can start to develop a plan for addressing it.
2. Talk to your trusted colleagues
It can be helpful to talk to other colleagues or a member of your human resources team who you trust about the situation. They may be able to offer you support and advice, and they may even be able to help you to identify patterns of behaviour both in yourself and in your boss that you may not have noticed.
3. Employ some empathy
Have you thought about whether there may be any reasons for your boss acting in a certain way? Are you aware of any pressures they may be experiencing both in and out of work? Has anything changed in their behaviour over time? Or is this a new boss who may be micromanaging or taking away projects because they are trying to impress their own boss for example? Empathy can be difficult to muster in certain situations, especially if you are dealing with particularly serious incidences of poor behaviour, however, it is worth taking some time to step back and really analyse the situation and any external factors.
4. Talk to your boss
If you feel comfortable doing so, you can try talking to your boss about the problem. Do carefully consider your approach and think about how you can frame the conversation to be a productive one, rather than a direct attack on an element of their personality and working style. Be specific about what you don't like and be respectful and professional in your approach. It's important to avoid making personal attacks or blaming your boss for everything that's wrong.
5. Set boundaries
If your boss is micromanaging you or setting unrealistic expectations, it's important to set boundaries. This may mean saying no to extra work or refusing to work overtime. Be clear about what you're willing to do, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
6. Document the problem
If your boss is behaving inappropriately or illegally, it's important to document the problem. This may involve keeping a journal of their behaviour or collecting emails or other evidence. If you need to escalate the situation to HR or another authority figure, having documentation will be essential. In the UK, Acas can be a great resource for helping you with any employment and dispute resolution problems, if it approaches a situation where it needs to be escalated beyond the organisation itself.
7. Look for a new job
If you've tried everything else and your boss is still making your life miserable, it may be time to start looking for a new job. This is a big decision, but it's important to remember that you deserve to work in a supportive and healthy environment. And as much as you may like your work and your colleagues, there comes a time when you really need to prioritise your own mental health and stress levels. There are plenty of great organisations and great bosses out there who do care deeply for the wellbeing and development of their team.
Here are some tips on how to improve your relationship with your boss and avoid affecting morale:
Communicate openly and honestly. Communication is key to any relationship, but it's especially important when you're dealing with a difficult boss. Be open and honest about your concerns, and be willing to listen to your boss's perspective as well.
Be willing to compromise. It's unlikely that you'll be able to get everything you want from your boss, so be willing to compromise. This doesn't mean giving up on what you want, but it does mean being willing to meet your boss halfway.
Be positive and supportive. It's hard to be positive and supportive when you don't like your boss, but it's important to try in most situations. A positive attitude can make a big difference in the workplace, and it can also help to improve your relationship with your boss.
Seek professional help. If you're struggling to deal with your boss on your own, and there are serious issues at hand, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or career counsellor. They can offer you support and guidance on how to best handle the situation. You may also need to escalate to higher levels of the organisation or outside of it, if there are problems that are unethical, abusive and/or illegal.
It's also important to remember that you're not alone. Many people have difficult bosses at some point in their careers. If you're struggling, don't be afraid to reach out for help.
Here are some resources that could also help in these situations:
Harvard Business Review article: "How to Work With Someone You Really Don’t Like" https://hbr.org/2021/11/how-to-work-with-someone-you-really-dont-like
Indeed article: "How to Work With Someone You Don't Respect and Stay Professional" https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-work-with-someone-you-dont-respect
LinkedIn article: "7 Ways to Support Someone Who Hates Their Job" https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/7-ways-support-someone-who-hates-job-chantel-soumis/
Harvard Business Review article: “Do You Hate Your Boss?” https://hbr.org/2016/12/do-you-hate-your-boss
Chartered Institute of Professional Development: "Got A Difficult Boss? Recognise Their Management Style And You Stand Less Chance Of Clashing" https://www.cipd.org/uk/about/news/difficult-boss-management-style/